From NorCon MUSH
When had she stopped dancing?
RL Date: 23 July, 2016
Who: Lys, Evyth
Involves: High Reaches Weyr
Type: Vignette
What: Lys broods about matters of the heart and self.
Where: Glitter and Glass Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
When: Day 11, Month 5, Turn 41 (Interval 10)
Mentions: Jocelyn/Mentions, V'ret/Mentions

Icon lys brooding.jpg Icon lys evyth smad.gif

She craved quiet.

For over a turn and a half, Lys' life was a dance. Though not always graceful in execution, the complex steps were a predictable pattern with beauty, depth and performed with passion, with love. She loved them. Both of them.

Each had a different music. Jocelyn's pace was steady, dependable and the depth-- oh, the depth. That was terrifying and exhilarating and everything Lys wanted, and everything she didn't.

V'ret was an up-tempo toss dance, the moves no less exciting for the knowledge of what might come next. Only she didn't know the steps that came next. The dance had turned from a controlled rush to something frightening.

She longed for silence. The music had always balanced one another, each dance offering something the other didn't-- couldn't? -- offer. Something she loved, wanted... but needed? No. Evyth was what she needed, what she could never live without now that she'd found it.

Is something wrong with me, Evy? That I don't need them the way-- V'ret said... And Joce always... She couldn't even finish the thought; speaking the words would have been impossible.

« Oh, Lys, » sweet concern colored Evyth's voice, a surge of adoration coming from the depths of her very self to enfold her rider in her absolute acceptance. « Nothing is wrong with you, Lys. One of the wonderful things about the world is that no two beings are the same. Not even two caprines are replicas of one another. » It was an afterthought (but an important one!) to add, « And they taste a little different, too, » at least to her sensitive palate. When there was no reply, the green put into words the exact thing her rider needed to hear - proving, yet again, that Lys' need for her dragon was wholly justified, « It's okay for you to need different things than they do. For you to not need them. »

Is needing and loving the same? It wasn't the first time Lys had wondered.

There was a hum as Evyth considered, « No, I don't think so. » But then: « I don't have very much experience with love. »

Lys' laughter was real, but sorrowful. Neither do I, my love. Neither do I.

There was silence- empty, blissful silence for a heartbeat, two.

« Lys? »

Yes, Evyth?

« We can still learn, if we want to. »

Lys smiled, Yes, I'm sure we can. Then she sighed, It won't be easy.

« No, it won't. Some things in life aren't, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be learned. »

Lys digested that. It wasn't that she expected a different answer, just that this answer, articulated now, had meaning that it might not if it had only been her own thought. Her next was barely a whisper in her mind, a fear so frightening that it could barely find voice, It's going to hurt. Then, with a choked sob, It already hurts.

There was longing in Evyth's mind, that they weren't closer together just at this moment, a moment when Lys' knees were too weak to get her up from the chair before her fire, and there was comfort in the way she enfolded rider again, her love as comforting as the blanket across the greenrider's legs. « I know. » And she did, feeling her rider's confusion and deep, aching hurt as keenly as she might feel some wound of her own.

Lys picked at the blanket and tried not to think of Jocelyn and the way things had gone so sideways. They'd promised they'd keep their friendship, if they could, even if the rest didn't work out. Maybe it had gone too far to leave anything salvageable in the wreckage. She'd never lied, but Jocelyn would never see omission of essential truths as anything but.

Her fingers dug into the blanket and she tried not to think of V'ret. V'ret who she'd abandoned in the middle of the night after a nightmare. V'ret who she hadn't seen in more than brief passing in the last month. The month where she'd been hiding herself in as much extra work as she could find for herself, to keep her legitimately busy, to have a good excuse, even if it was still an excuse. She would have to see him... eventually.

I'm a coward, she sighed, wiping the stupid tears from her face.

Evyth bristled, « You're not. »

I am.

« It's okay to need time. »

It's not fair.

« Who ever said life was fair? »

Silence. The golden silence. When had she stopped dancing? She hadn't stopped loving the dance, hadn't stopped loving her partners, just... she couldn't finish the dance, not with Jocelyn, not with V'ret. Not now. Not with-- everything.

I'm not enough, the thought came unbidden. It was a deep fear, something dredged up from memory of the child who'd been unwanted, who'd been dumped into the Weyr's care, who'd never done things right and stopped trying for so long...

« You are! You're my Lys. » It held vehemence and unshakable resolve.

If Evyth believed it, perhaps, in time, Lys could too. She could never believe that she could be everything Jocelyn wished her to be - a perfect partner, a weyrmate, and nor could she believe she could ever be V'ret's all-in partner in all too literal crime. All she could be was Lys. It was enough for Evyth. It would have to be enough for herself and the rest of the world, too.


V'ret (22:51, 23 July 2016 (PDT)) said...

This is fine. V'ret is fine. Everything is fine.

Squishy (18:49, 25 July 2016 (PDT)) said...

</3 Evyth is such a good balance to Lys.

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